If you happen to read this article, then maybe you are in this situation right now.
You know exactly how it feels like to see someone who used to be important to you, seems happier with someone else. I know the anatomy of that feeling. I know each detail. I was in that situation years ago.
You feel so small, sitting in the middle of the world who don’t even bother to look at you. You feel nonexistent. Things are getting meaningless. He’s now happier with someone. Someone other than yourself.
Your self-worth is going down the sink. You asked yourself: “Why?” “What’s wrong with you?” “What’s wrong with him?” “Why can’t you make him happy and stay?” “Why that other girl, the girl you consider as an underdog, can make him happier than you were?” “She is a slut, look at her breast and face. Disgusting. Why? He really has a low standard… Isshh” “Why did he leave, again? It’s his loss to give up on me! I hate that bitch!” yadda yadda yadda… and many other foolish rants I told myself to make me feel (temporarily) better.
But then, later on, two months later, to be precise, I found out the answer to my whys: It’s not about me. It’s not about her. It’s not about him. It’s only a matter of choice.
I can never force someone to feel totally compatible with me. If he choose to be with someone else, it’s not because he has a low standard, nor because the new girl is better than me either. It’s simply his choice. And I can’t control his choice (neither anyone’s choice.)
He deserves someone who fits right to his taste. And obviously, there’s nothing wrong with that. And it has nothing to do with my “features”. However, this break up isn’t about who’s better than who and whatnot. It’s simply because I and my ex were no longer compatible, or bored, or sick of each other, or subconsciously hate each other, we have nothing left to hold onto. The relationship didn’t work, end of the story.
He just happens to be the first person who realized this, and luckily, he met someone new earlier than me while I still cling onto my feelings toward that past relationship. That’s why.
I’m not saying I am a control freak, but most of the time I wish I can control everything around me (I know, right). That’s a big problem for sure. But then I know that the only thing I can control in this world is me, my choices and my mind. Since I realised this, I accept the fact that this other girl is indeed pretty much interesting.
I started to understand why my ex’s falling for her. Actually, in some ways, she looks pretty much like me, she is his type of girl, it’s just that… she fits better for him. And my ego who said that she is an underdog? I was totally wrong. It’s not about her. It’s not about me. It’s not about him. It’s only a matter of choice.
It was his choice to feel happier with the new girl. It was her choice to be happy with my ex. It was choice to cling onto that past relationship. I could’ve been with someone else too if I wanted to and could’ve been happier, just like him. But I didn’t do any of those, so.. there’s no one to blame but myself. It was me, my expectation and my choice.
It takes time to accept all this. They say time heals. It’s half true. The other half, sometimes you need to meet some new people before you come to self-realisation like this. I call this acceptance.
It’s an amazing feeling, not only because it makes you feel relieved. It also sets you free, then you can start a new chapter in your life.