Dear My Future Partner

Hey You, I write this because I really tired of dealing with bad guys, ambiguous guy, assholes and guys-who-don’t-know-what-to-do-in-their-lives types. Or to make it less judgemental, I am done dealing with those guys whose chemical reaction in their brains don’t have the same components as me -also not at the same time. You know, those dophamine, norepinephrine and oxytocin spikes in the brain thing.

And I hope that you really exist. Yes, you: someone who willing to share your life, shit, happiness, money, debt, foods, drinks, love, cuddles and hugs. Your everything… with me, in a monogamous – committed relationship. Someone who call me ‘home’ and mean it when you say it.

You, someone who have been wanting to see someone like me, and someone who find me fit you the most. Yeah.. I do hope you exist. At least, I still have a little-faith-the faith-is-so-little-I-can’t-believe-that-I-have-it.

For early notice. This open letter will say about my thoughts and expectations about you and what we might have in our future relationship.

So here is how I put it..

Dear You, nothing is permanent in life, you know that. That’s why I wouldn’t promise I will love you forever and never stop loving you as you are. That’s an utopic yet idiotic thing to say and do. And a bad choice as well, if I must say. BUT, I’ll promise, I will hold onto our commitment instead and I’ll love you as you grow to be a better person that you want to be. Be better every day. I am looking forward to seeing your keep-on-growing-self.

And before that, let’s keep things real between us.

We must be really intellectually connected to each other. We arouse each other with those conversations in hours, have a good laugh and share the same stares in between. And that will be the biggest reason why I’d decide to be with you. I want to be able to talk to you about almost everything. If we don’t know shit about it, we’ll find it out and act like a twin Sherlock Holmes when we do it. Because we both have that much curiosity. Our mind can’t stop exploring.

Dear You, I’m gonna love you because your openness on almost everything: including on your thoughts about beliefs and religion. You might be a Christian or a Buddhist or maybe a Moslem or even better, a non-believer. But you wouldn’t force your belief towards me or our kids (if we wanna have any). For you, your belief is something that very personal, so is other people’s beliefs. If we happen to have a different point of views on this one, we’ll be able to respect each other’s thoughts and supporting each other to live with it. And we’ll be happily doing it.

I’ll be someone you run into when you find little things to talk about and to examine your thoughts about it. And so you’re to me. We wouldn’t be afraid of having a bunch of different point of view when we examine our thoughts. We’ll be able to discuss petty-cute-things to significant-shitty-things in a good tone of voices and mannerism.

Dear You.. We’ll love each other deeply. So that we’ll take care of each other in our better and in our worse. In cold winter of Westeros and the heat of Sava… Okay forget about it, you got what I mean.

I’ll be the one who lovingly rub warming oil on your belly, on your chest and on your back when flatulence bugs you in the middle of the night. And I’ll make you some hot chocolate or chicken soup when it’s too cold outside. I’ll also be that particular person who will lovingly give you a gentle massage on your forehead, or on your glabella, or on your palms, or simply stroking your hair when you get tired. I’ll do it when you lay your head on my chest or on my lap. You can choose which one you like. I’m fine either way.

We both know, that the world we are living in is a very fucked up world. But it won’t hold us back from being kind and gentle to the other humankind. Although, every now and then, we would express our disappointment over humans’ behavior.

Okay, I think that’s all I wanna say to you, so far. A long letter to someone who doesn’t even exist (yet). I feel schizophrenic now. Errr… Okay, let’s watch our favorite movies. Let’s do our adventures. Let’s do what we want to do. Until somehow, we manage to make our paths meet in the middle of somewhere we never visited before.

Perspective: Being A Wife

I am a 31 years old woman, not married and feeling relieved for that. Honestly and wholeheartedly.

Unlike many other Indonesian women, I never have this dream to be married, have kids, build a family and all that. Yet, I had more than five men who asked me to marry them since I was 18 years old. And as you know, I rejected every one of them.

Since my early womanhood, just like every young girl, I did like the idea of the wedding, the party, the food, the dress, the flowers, and the handsome groom… it’s all great and beautiful. But marriage happens not only for the party. It should be lasted for life, “till death do us part”, they say. It is heavier than the glitters.

The first marriage proposal I rejected was from one of my teachers in the boarding school. He was young, smart and handsome. But the idea of staying in the boarding school for life, terrified me. Three years were enough for me. So I fled for college and asked my mom to reject the proposal. Now he is married to a beautiful wife, three years younger than me and has two kids. I am more than happy to him.

In college, I met this senior from another major. I knew him for only three months, which turned out, for him, it was a ta ‘a Ruf process. Sorry for not sorry, he was a handsome geek and very religious, I liked everything about him. But being married on my 20 wasn’t my plan. So I let him married another woman six months later, now with four children (my genital thanked me for this decision).

I could go on telling you about each one of them but I don’t want to waste your time reading my relationship story. So I fast forward to the recent one, my boyfriend for two years, Danny. A person who is beyond a boyfriend to me. He was a family member (not by blood) before romance comes to us. A best friend who understands and loves me to the bone, he cherishes every single thought I have. We are not married yet, but I said yes when he asked me to marry him. And recently, he is been calling me “wife”.

I always find it cute to see a man who calls his wife, “wife”. Like, “hey wife, what do you think about having dinner at taco casa tonight?”. Or when a man posts a picture with the caption “with la wife”. There is a slight sense of domination over the other person (the wife), but in unserious tone, it’s cute.

That slight sense of domination feels really heavy when it happens to me. Turned out, I don’t like being called “wife”, even by the person I love deeply.

It feels like a job. Yes, a job. And I do understand why.

Growing up in a religious-Islamic family and in a patriarchy culture, I have been watching women around me being wives and mothers. They have to clean up the house, wake up early, prepare the food for husband and children, doing laundry, put the kids to sleep, buy produce in the market, doing home-industry business to help the husband, make the husband happy in bed, help the children to do homework, keep their beauty for the husband under hijab, doing parent-teacher meeting, etc..etc.. That’s a wife and what wife does. Wife is a second class citizen. Wife lives to serve.

So clearly, being a wife is not something I want to do in life. Definition of “wife” in common perspective doesn’t fit me both mentally and morally. Maybe this was the basic reason why I didn’t want to be a wife to someone who is very religious. As I knew they will impose that role on me and have control over my life. No, no, thank you very much!

So I told Danny about this when he asked me whether I feel comfortable or not when he called me “wife”. The world knows that I love him for life. I would let him make me his partner, both on papers and in life. But not calling me “wife”.

As a definition of wife that fits me the best is the one that says:

“A wife is a life partner who shares whatever she wants to share, who loves you as much as you love her, who takes care of you and you take care of her, who chose whatever she wants to do with her body and her reproduction system. A completely free human being who deliberately be there for you and you be there for her. Who walks side by side with you and share her thoughts with you.”

Good thing Danny is a Frenchman. He is familiar with the word: égalitaire. And I am grateful for that.

[SIDE NOTE: Turned out we have to end the relationship. Things are changing and evolving. And sometimes, it’s gone. I am so grateful that I had a very understanding and mature partner. Now that we stay friends, or family, I personally wish Danny the greatest life a man can have. A good partner to love and exciting games to play. We have chosen different paths and we will continue supporting each other in different ways. Just like family do.]

 

 

How to keep a healthy lifestyle in Ubud, Bali, for IDR 3 million or less

(DISCLAIMER: This tips are not for those who use all organics ingredients, there is several organic market that sells organic produce for a better price than the ones in the supermarket, it will cost you more than 3 million per month. Also, I am not a vegetarian, I eat meat or fish every now and then, so  conclusions may vary if you are a vegan or a vegetarian).

There are background stories in that salad bowl. Let’s take a deeper look into what we eat and find alternatives behind that green juice and purple smoothies.

I live in a healthy food Mecca, the destination for people to get raw food and yoga teacher certification. Yet, eating a plate of bland and disgraced gado-gado in a restaurant or salad with sesame-soya dressing will cost me around USD5 a bowl including 10% government tax.

Shall I call it expensive?

Like everywhere else in the world, ingredients’ cost for a restaurant should not be more than 30% of its price per portion. The same rule is applied in most of the restaurants in Ubud. Knowing this, you will also have to include salary cost, rental cost and general cost (which also includes, tools cost and external cost) and profit to the price. So next time you pay for that salad bowl, remember what you are paying for.

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This pineapple-cucumber-carrot juice costs less than IDR 5K!

For the local Balinese, it is a waste of money to pay for all those costs on the price tag. Why? As most of us know, almost 70% of Balinese earnings belongs to the social structure that makes Bali, Bali. They paid for those beautiful offerings that we used to step on it on the road. They paid for those incense we smell every morning and evening, as well as for those beautiful ceremonies that lure many people from around the globe to come to this island. In short, they pay for the biggest chunk of effort that makes Bali, Bali. That beautiful kebaya and charming udeng also cost them money, you know.

So how can they survive with that 30% of their earnings?

Before we know how much exactly that 30% is, first, we need to know the wage for local Balinese. The minimum wage for the locals in this area (Ubud, Gianyar) is IDR 1,700,000 a month (USD123). With bonuses and other additional earnings, the average local Balinese earns IDR2,500,000 per month. 6 out of 10 Balinese live with this amount. Mostly, those are the waitress who serves you kombucha and quinoa salad.

30% from that minimum wage means IDR 750,000 every month solely for food. Based on past time history before Bali becomes touristy area, this was how much they used to earn in the past, even better. And most of Balinese I know don’t savor the food as much as any avid foodie. Even if they love to eat good food, they would rather spend their money for offerings and ceremonies than on food (that will become human waste in the end).

The locals are happy enough with their IDR 7,000 Nasi Campur from Made Latri in Tebesaya for breakfast. Or IDR 10,000 Nasi Ayam from Mek Susi in Lungsiakan for lunch, and IDR 8,000 Sate Ikan in front of Gallery Tangkas for dinner. Don’t get me wrong, they are all good, and probably the best (deal) in the area.

From all those facts I mentioned above, we can learn that except for housing, living expense in Ubud is not that expensive. That is if we adopt the locals’ way to live.

So how can we manage to spend IDR 3 million on food while maintaining a good amount of nutrition for our body?

1. Buy fruits and vegetables like the locals.
Don’t go to Bintang and Delta Dewata to buy fruits and vegetables. I go to this no-name shop near Bale Banjar Penestanan Kelod. It’s on the left side of the road after you turn right if you go from Cupit BBQ.

From this shop, I buy carrot, broccoli, cauliflower, mango, purple dragon fruit, strawberry, tomato, local lemon, pisang hijau (a variety of banana that doesn’t ripen too fast), pineapple, papaya, watermelon, young coconut and its water, melon, zucchini, cucumber, green apple, eggs, garlic, shallot, onion and leafy greens.

I spend in average IDR 150,000 per visit, and IDR1,200,000 per month (IDR 150,000 x 2 visits (a week) x 4 (weeks)). Vegetables and fruits worth of IDR150,000 makes 10 bowls of fruit salad and 4 portions of vegetable meals. That is the amount of meal for 3-4 days.

For the fruits, I cut them and serve it in a bowl. Along with a dash (2tbs) of Muesli that costs IDR100,000 per 1kg in Bintang Supermarket. Enough for the whole month.

For the vegetables, I make dip sauce for it, or you can call it dressing. I replace pasta with these vegetables: carrot sticks, cucumber sticks, zucchini sticks, spinach bowl or corn soup. I spend IDR450,000 for these dressings: creamy tuna dressing, bolognese dressing, cream mushrooms dressing, spicy esca li vada dip, and tzatziki dip. I make it in medium size batch that is enough for 4 to 5 portions.

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Tzatziki dip with wholemeal tortilla chips works too!

2. Eat out where the locals go
We need to socialize once in a while to be a part of this small community. And eating all fruits and vegetables 30 days in a row is a bland life for me. So I make time and spare a budget to eat outside. Twice or three times a week won’t make your wallet bleeds. The budget for this category is around IDR750,000 per month.

These are my first option warungs:
Dapurku in Jalan Raya Ubud (spending per visit: IDR25,000 – IDR50,000)
Everything is good in there. My all time favorite is the buffet menu. From the menu list, the best ones are Bubur Ayam, Nasi Goreng Vegetarian, and Sop Buntut. Dapurku serves the best watermelon juice in Ubud for IDR10K!

Warung Widuri in Jalan Sukma (spending per visit: IDR35,000 – IDR50,000)
They serve the best Opor Ayam and Sambal Goreng Ati in town. Their Gepuk Sapi is also to die for. If you like chicken feet, they serve the spicy one and the one that resembles chicken feet at dim sum restaurant. They also serve durian pancake and irresistible desserts. Don’t drop your saliva just yet!

Restoran Padang Bagindo Rasa in Peliatan (spending per visit: IDR17,000 – IDR35,000)
This one is the best Padang food in town! Very authentic and honest price. They also open 24 hours. It makes Padang galore at midnight becomes so delightful. The best options in here are of course, rendang sapi, paru goreng, ayam balado, jengkol balado, and kari cincang. If licking a plate after eating is polite, I would do that in there!

Sate Ayam Madura in Pengosekan across the petrol station (spending per visit: IDR12,000)
This one is the best sate ayam in town. Owned by a guy from Madura who seems to know how to make a good sate Madura. He needs to provide spoon, though. I bring my own to scoop the peanut sauce.

Warung Mak Yayah in Jalan Sukma (spending per visit: IDR15,000 to IDR45,000)
Mak Yayah is that short-haired chatty woman in her late 40s that came from Jakarta to provide the most authentic gado-gado in Ubud. She also serves Ketoprak and nasi uduk with peanut sauce. Her soto ayam also pretty good.

Warung Bali Ibu Ade in Jalan Sukma (spending per visit IDR15,000 – 30,000)
This is the place where you can get a satisfying Nasi Campur Bali. Ibu Ade serves the best sate Babi and sate lilit ayam which tastes like nowhere else in Ubud. She uses the right amount of seasoning and spices on everything she cooks.

Warung Mek Susi in Lungsiakan (spending per visit: IDR10,000 – IDR15,000)
Cheap and pretty good. Enough for a break between fruit salads.

Ayam Goreng Prambanan near Arjuna Statue (spending per visit: IDR20,000 to IDR40,000)
Their ayam kremes tastes like a normal ayam goreng but quire run-of-the-mill.

The second options would be:
Mangga Madu in the back of Ayam Goreng Prambanan for their ayam keju and es cincau, Warung Igelanca for their Mie Jawa, Kwetiau Ayam, perkedel jagung and chocolate mousse; Warung Taman for their Ayam Koloke, nasi goreng special and just to chat with the owner, Bang Joni.

3. Once in a month, give yourself a treat or two
Usually, I go to Taco Casa, Man Maru, Tartufo or Warung Siam to give myself a reward after brain-squeezing work, or a challenging meeting with a client. I spend no more than IDR150,000 per visit. Once in a blue moon, I would enjoy fine dining restaurants.

I don’t normally drink alcohol except for free. For me, it doesn’t make sense to pay for something that intoxicates my only liver. This thought saves a lot of money as great cocktails cost me a fortune. And I don’t enjoy pilsener.

If you could spend less, save your money to invest on the fridge, rice cooker, blender + chopper, food processor and good sauce pan. These tools are essential to produce healthy food.

In the end, healthy lifestyle is not one without exercise involved. Download Skimble app on your phone and do minimum 3 exercises every week.

The annoying part from this app is they constantly “persuade” you to subscribe and pay minimum IDR82,000 per month. If you feel like spending that amount, you could subscribe. But if you think it’s out of your budget, ignore that, and don’t worry, the free exercises are great too. My favorites are the ones that focus on using body weight: Thank-full Body, The Survivor, and Candy Crusher.

With all these tips, I hope you could enjoy life in Ubud and be happy every time you eat. Because life is short, eat good food, and be a smart spender.

Cheers!

Page Zero, The Big One.

Oh, hi again!

Gosh! You have no idea how good it feels like to write for yourself, not for work. Even if it is just non-sense-peripheral stuff. (And… I thought to write for a living is a nice thing to do. Now after two years of doing it, I don’t think it is as nice as I thought before, you gullible younger-me! :p)

Well, anyway..

Let’s make a plan!

The year 2015 almost comes to the end. I know it is depressing to say it, as we still have three months left, ok two months and three weeks, to be precise. But I think it’s not too late to start something I have been wanting to do since January…. Which are:

  1. Write blog. Two or three per month, maybe more… Says my ambitious self. Well, I have much material to talk about and I think it might be useful for some of you, I hope. Or even if it’s not, It’s fun to keep milestones rants on the internet. You know, to show how miserable happy your life is.
  2. Recipes. I have a bunch! Well, for those who haven’t tried my cooking, I hope you can try it at home and figure out how it tastes like, even maybe, you could do it better than I did. Which is awesome, right? :D
  3. Doing road trip. Blame Mad Max. I want to do this crazy road trip all over Bali on a motorbike. Also maybe to Lombok. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, and what I am going to encounter… But HEY! That’s the most interesting part!
  4. Train Trip all over Java. I have never done this before. I have always been this picky and an overly cautious girl who wants to stay safe and being away from danger. Which is not bad, except, the term danger for me was too safe, compared to the real danger for most people’s standard.

Of course, money is still a problem for me. I will have to work remotely while I do all that above. Well, let’s see. I hope I am smart enough during this month so I can get enough saving to make this plan comes true, I shouldn’t need much money to do all that. Am I?

Whatever! Let’s do this!

#YOLO baby :p

30 Things You Will Totally Realize on Your 30

30. A person who constantly says “I hate drama” is the most dramatic person there is.

29. Silence can be the loudest answer.

28. Not everyone who is nice to you is a nice person.

27. True love is when you love someone selflessly. Which is difficult to do.

26. Your soulmate is the one who tears down the thickest wall of yours and embraces whatever behind it.

25. There are jobs you do for money and there are jobs you do for self-fulfillment. The later contributes more for your mental development and it’s good for you.

24. Pick carefully people you want to keep in your life. It’s okay to keep only a few people. A true friend is hard to find anyway… But don’t worry, you will find each other.

23. Always trust your hunch. It never lies.

22. Always spend the first hour and the last hour of your day with someone you care the most.

21. Money can’t buy happiness, but it could help you through bad things smoothly. Totally!

20. Have a kid is a choice. Not an achievement nor obligation.

19. Virgins are boring.

18. Sex has nothing to do with love.

17. BUT, intimacy does, so choose a partner who can relate to you effortlessly, and has the same level of intelligence as you (or better than you, if they don’t mind). Sexy is being smart, and thoughtful.

16. Being able to laugh at the same jokes is important for a couple.

15. Some men are more loyal than dogs, emotionally.

14. Don’t reheat a tortilla unless you want to make nachos out of it.

13. Your poo turns purple after you eat dragon fruit salad.

12. True friendship is the one that encourages you to be a better person.

11. Being alone is great, but socializing is also important. People are annoying, that’s why dodging skill in a conversation is essential!

10. Geeks are always hot. Nerds even hotter.

9. Date a man who cooks but cook for him anyway, especially for breakfast.

8. Everyone is dealing with their own insecurity. It’s a part of self-development, just don’t stick with it and not doing anything about it while you can.

7. Never make any promise when your belly is full, never make any decision when you are hungry (except a decision to fill your stomach. D’oh!).

6. Bad people do exist. They might be around you. And they can be good looking.

5. When someone says “I don’t do X” they most likely do. They just say that to make you feel better about it. Which, you shouldn’t. (What’s the point of denying it when nobody accuses you if you don’t do it, heyyloooww?)

4. Ugly people can also have an ugly personality. Fuck inner beauty. Ugly people ugly.

3. Never lose faith in yourself, never betray yourself.

2. Runny yolk tastes sweet. But I still don’t like it.

1. The most important person in your life is the one who’s with you at the moment.

What Mister Spock Has Taught Me

So here comes the time where my writing mentor was asking me to write about physical quirk as a workshop task.

Honestly, I feel uncomfortable writing about this. But heck, I have to do it anyway, so challenge it is!

Before I jump into the story, let me tell you about the reason why I feel uncomfortable writing about physical quirk: I think it’s impolite to talk about it. I was raised in a family that never allowed me to talk about one’s physical flaws. Despite the fact that I can precisely notice everyone’s physical quirks: lack of asymmetry in their face, stain or hole in their teeth, scars on their hands or on their legs, everywhere. I just do not talk about it.

But I still have to finish this task anyway, right?

Hmm.. Okay, let’s talk about my favourite character on Star Trek then. It’s Mister Spock. He has a significant role in the franchise. Being portrayed at the first time by Leonard Nimoy in the original Star Trek series. But I prefer the younger version of Spock which portrayed by Zachary Quinto in the Star Trek film (2009).

Mister Spock is a mixed human-Vulcan. His dad is a Vulcan and his mother is human. Unlike any other human, he was born with pointy shaped ears and pointy shaped eyebrows. His haircut is also unusual, it’s a mushroom-shaped hairstyle, his haircut never changed in ages. It’s legen~dary.

His physical appearance doesn’t look appealing to me. But he has this irresistible awesomeness any smart women from earth can’t help themselves from falling for him: Mister Spock has an unquestionable morality and he doesn’t lie.

Yes, he might be sounds weird, harsh, and bitter at times. But he always says what’s true. He’s not that type of guy who’s gonna say anything to comfort you from bitter truth. He has this desirable integrity, he only does what’s right even though it means he has to die. Comparing to pure blooded men from earth? I have never meet anyone who has achieved this level of integrity, so far.

One other thing you will notice about Spock is, he is very much logical and selfless. He’s not only saying what’s right. He’s also doing what’s right. He is a man of his words, literally. This traits he possesses is beyond his physical quirks. That is what matters the most in a man, his integrity and his morality. Anyhow, physical quirks is a matter of perspective. It’s a quirk because it doesn’t match our version of perfection and vise versa.

See, all I’m gonna say is, we are all do have physical quirk(s). I have many scars on my legs and hands. I didn’t like it back in the days, but now I see it as life’s medals of adventures, it proves that I experienced things. However no one on earth possessing a perfect physical appearance anyway. We’ll get old eventually. In the end, what’s really matter is our attitude and values we are holding onto.

5 Stages of Grief: On Breaking Up

Last weekend I chat with a friend about  5 stages of grief. For the record, we both are overthinker, you know what overthinker do, we over think about many things. Most of them are petty-meaningless things. But now I want to make a good use out of it, so I write this article.

Here we go.

Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss. [Wikipedia]

All of us ever felt a loss. It happens in various intensity, depending on how deep emotional bond we have with that particular thing or person.

One of typical loss we are all commonly feel is a loss of someone we once loved and once loved us but for some certain reasons, the relationship has to come to an end. We call it: a break-up or a divorce.

Some of us can easily move on, go with someone new and don’t give a damn about that past relationship which obviously didn’t work. Some of us, drowning in grief.

I’ve been there too. And I wish I would never experience that kind of emotional state anymore in my life. It was very much devastating and I spent a lot of money to pay the therapist. So, other than talked to my therapist and did ‘homework’ from her, to quicken the session with her, I did my own method: finding out how to get rid of this unpleasant feeling. I wanted to be free as fast as I could but I didn’t know how and what kind of stage awaits for me next. I was clueless.

Until I found this theory about 5 Stages of Grief by Kubler-Ross. Those stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’ll try to explain these stages based on my experience. This situation may be similar to yours, then by knowing on which stage you are on, you can help yourself to achieve the next stage as you want.

First Stage: Denial.

On this stage, you think that this situation is temporary. You think he’s just leaving for several days. After he made up his mind, everything will be just fine and back to normal. He’ll be back. Nothing much has changed, you are doing your normal activity just like before you both broke up. You think that you’re giving him the time he needs. You think that you’re giving him a space to think it over again. You’ll wait until he texts you again and comes over to talk about the last problem you both had.

But it never happened.

Second Stage: Anger

The numbness wears off, he never texted you, he never came over, he didn’t reply your text. And the painful realization of the loss hits full-force; you will yearn deeply for your lost loved one. You may be angry and have regrets of things left unsaid or plans never realized. You’d start to rationalize things why you shouldn’t cry over him. You’d remember all of his shit. You’d remember all the things you don’t like about him. You’d find out some reasons, or even making it up in your mind and exaggerate it, just so you have reason to feel angry with him.

You are disappointed. You really mad at him because he left because he didn’t want to do what you want him to do. Because he stops loving you. You need a reason why you have to forget him and all the things about him.

But you failed. That’s why you get into this next stage…

Third Stage: Bargaining

You would try to contact him. You’d ask him to meet. You’ll do anything to make your world back into normal, with him by your side. You’d promise him to change. You’d do anything he wants you to do. You’d bargain when in fact you have nothing to bargain. Sadly, you’d beg him to be back into you arms again.

But it seems impossible for you to convince him.

So comes the next stage…

Fourth Stage: Depression

The storm of intense emotions of the third stage gives way to a period of heavy sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends. You’d prefer to spend your time alone in your home. Crying over text messages, sweet emails, your photographs with him, jewelry he gave you, his smell on your pillow, the plans you’ve made with him, that super huge teddy bear he gave you, and all of those petty things which reminds you of him. You will come to those places you both used to hang out together. You think that, by doing so, you wouldn’t miss him that much anymore, then you’ll find yourself wrong.

You’ll find his stuff in the corner of your house and cry over it. You’ll eat the food you both used to enjoy together and hope it will reduce the feeling of missing him, then again, you’ll find yourself wrong. You’ll cook his favorite dishes and eat the food on your own at the pantry whilst thinking about how happy he used to be when enjoying your cooking.

You’ll watch movies you both used to watch together and thinking about his thoughts and opinions about the movie. You’ll miss his presence on your side. You’ll miss him. You’ll miss talking about difficulties you had at work, you’ll miss gossiping about those gadgets and or those nifty apps on android with him. You’ll miss talking about Cedric and Chen with him or about the Smurf. You’ll miss the discussion about current issues with him and or the books you both recently read. You’ll miss him, his scent, his voice, his eyes, his hugs, everything about him.

It is so painful you’ll cry in your sleep. You’ll miss this dearest person who once loved you. This stage can last a few hours, days, a few weeks, several months, or even many years. It depends on the resilience in you and your self-worth.

Until that, then you’ll get tired. You’ll be suffocated by your own sadness. You’ll get bored and want something new.

You’ll start to remember how was your life before you met him.

Therefore, you’ll get into this last stage…

Fifth Stage: Acceptance

What is grief? | It’s an expression of love. When you grieve, you allow yourself to love again.

You’ll start to feel positive emotions. You’ll realize that you both did not really good to be together. You’ll realize that the relationship simply didn’t work. That’s the fact you can’t deny anymore. You’ll realize that you need to move on with your life. You’ll realize that you actually could see somebody new and nothing wrong with that. You’ll chin up and start a new date with someone new.

Sadness will lessen greatly, and new interests will gradually occupy your thoughts more and more, crowding out the misery and desolation. The final stage is when you pull your life back together. That’s when you also realized that you just get locked into a routine — a comfortable routine, a cycle you don’t think will ever break. You’re almost never prepared for it to break when it does. You’re just in a state of shock because a part of your daily routine and a fact of your life for the past several years is no longer there. You just have to readjust.

You can start everything all over again. This is not the end of everything. Yes, he was a significant person in your life. But now you and he have to be apart, perfectly apart. And you both are apart now. At this moment, you’ll be realized that everyone is replaceable. Everything will come to an end, period. You will find the whole meaning of ‘nothing last forever’ and you will remember that when you meet someone new.

Yes, someone will come to your life to replace the previous one. Yes, the feeling might be different, but hey why being sad when you can actually be happy? Or you prefer to be alone and do some things you always wanted to do when you were in relationship but haven’t got a chance to do it because your ex didn’t like it? You can do it now. You have your 24 hours for you and yours alone.

Now you have your feet on the ground and you’ll always keep it that way. Congratulations! :)